Orgy in the Bathroom

My Thai guide picks me up in a small Toyota and off we go to the disco. I am a little attracted to my guide but I decide to ignore it. We arrive and the staff helps him park the car in a space that is so tight it is a wonder anyone could open the car door to get in or out. After the car is parked a bottle of 100 Pipers cheap Thai whiskey is pulled from the trunk by the guide and off we go to enter the disco. We stop at the entrance and the clerk asks for the entrance fee. My guide says something and we are let in with a smile and a wave without having to pay one single baht! A team of staff seem to escort us to our table.

Glasses arrive and a bucket of ice is delivered. Before the frst ice cube is dropped into a glass we are whisked to a private section and our table is once again prepared with ice, soda and even napkins! Everything we need to make our drinks. One lone server seems to stand off to the side.

When a glass was near empty he would re-fll it with either ice, soda or 100 Pipers, or all three! It was as if I was the President or something! There is nothing better than Thai service to make you feel special! I make my way to the men’s room. I go down this narrow hall. I seem to remem- ber the eerie glow of fuorescent lights, the starkness of cinderblock walls and an absence of people. How could it be that a club flled with hundreds of people and no one seems to need the bathroom? I open the door, “Creeeeeek.” That is what the door sounded like when I pushed it open. As soon as I entered, two, no! three Thai guys set upon me from all directions! One grabs my wrist and seems to begin pulling at me! Another puts his hands about my neck from behind, the third guy stops in front of me, turns and I am being pushed and pulled in his direction! What have I gotten myself into! My mind races on what to do next! Just then a warm towel engulfs my hands! The hands about my neck begin to massage my shoulders and neck and the third guy is using his elbow to massage pressure spots on my back! What kind of strange hell is this?! I came to take a wizz, not get into a bath- room three-way with the lavatory staff! Well it seems they have parked me in front of a urinal! No way am I going to be able to take a wizz with three strange guys tugging, scrubbing and massaging my back, neck and hands. So I tell them that I needed to take a #2 so we all move in unison from the urinal to the toilet stall. One of my attendants breaks away from the pack to sanitize the seat and the toilet so that the water was fresh. I am relieved that they let me close the stall door for privacy although I secretly fear they are planning to come with me! If they had try to massage me while I sat on the toilet than I was just going to call it a night and forget the whole idea of using the toilet until I got back to my hotel room! Candid mobile phone photo of Thai bathroom attendant working on a disco customer. 

I am all done. I peek through the crack in the stall door and I can see them all there waiting for me to exit! I was not going to get out of there without them swarming over me again! My mind is racing! How can I get out of here, untouched? Un-scrubbed? Un-massaged? In the distance I can tell the acts are changing on the stage. I am sure if I stay in the stall any longer, my guide will come looking for me and the gang outside the stall will be wondering what I am doing since they can hear I have already fnished! Ok, I decide on a bold escape. Once again I peek out the crack of the stall door and the bathroom staff seems to be circling my stall like vultures over a dying rabbit! I open the door and go for broke for the sink! Before I reach it my hands are engulfed in a damp warm towel! It starts all over again! Hands begin to massage my shoulders and neck! The elbow is once again working over the knots and muscles of my back! They are back at it again! I manage to wrench my hand free of the towel and point towards the sink. Before I reach the sink, now a fourth guy turns it on and adjusts the temperature to a tepid setting. We wash my hands while I am eyeing the exit and wondering how many steps it will take for me to rush out the door!? Now my hands are washed, and again, with the towels. Next a guy puts me into a full nelson and begins to crack the bones in my back! Snap to the right! CRACK! Snap to the left! Crack! Who knew bones were supposed to make a cracking sound? I plead with them, “Enough! Enough! Enough!” and they let me go and hold out their hands and one says to me, “Tip!” So I reach for my wallet. In my mind I am thinking what compartment holds the 20 baht notes? With my wallet in hand and my fngers singling out my 20 baht notes they all line up with hands out! Waiting for their tips! “What a rip-off,” I am thinking! “Why didn’t my guide warn me?!” “Two hundred baht,” one of them says. Yeah! Right!, like I am going to tip some guys in the men’s room two hundred baht? Do I Vuzix Wrap 920 3-D Glasses Promise Big Screen Experience Can’t afford a big screen TV or projector but still want to experience that cinema feeling when watching a movie? The Vuzix Wrap 920 video eyewear is a sunglass-style display that delivers a virtual 67-inch screen as seen from 10ft away, displays 2D and 3D video and is claimed to be the most advanced wearable display available. It also features removable noise-isolating earbuds, an adjustable nose bridge and weighs less than 3oz.

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look like a pushover? I began to lay 20 baht notes in the palms of their outstretched hands. Then I look up and guys are coming out from every direction holding their hands out for cash! I just give them each a tip and get the hell out of there! I make my way back my table, have a few more drinks and enjoy the show. My guide introduces me to some friends and before I know it I need to take a whizz again! This time I decide to hold it until I get back to my hotel room since I was not about to run the gauntlet again! I have to admit that I wondered if the same thing goes on in the ladies room. If I get to go back there with some friends, I am going to send them to the bathroom and I am not going to warn them about what will happen  to  them. I will  just wait for them to return so that I can laugh at them and tease them about being man- handled in the men’s room! In retrospect, now I wonder if my guide was having a secret laugh on me knowing what I know now about Thai bathroom attendants? In any event, now you know. Some people will like it and others will say, “Mi ow, krap” (I don’t want!) to the attendants when entering the bathroom!