Farangs In Paradise

A  beautiful  young  lady  showers  an older  guy with  attention  and  affection and he loses all sense of reality. This  is  not  news;  it  happens  every day. After a few years of exposure to the charms of the Thai lovelies.  One becomes savvier to what it is they are really “courting”. Most farangs, once they have been “burned”,  think  that the  answer  is  simply  their  money, but  it  is much more  than  the  cash; what the girl really wants is security, not unlike what most women worldwide  expect  out  of  a  relationship, especially  a  “permanent”  one.  For a  Thai  “pooying”,  the  security  can be achieved in many ways, many of which said farang will NOT appreciate!

Everyone has heard the story. Foreign  guy meets  Thai  lady,  falls  for her and she for him, or so he thinks. And  then  it  begins.  I wrote  a  little ditty  that  summarizes what  I mean by “it”. It  is called “Buy Me A Motorbike”  which  is  (a  motorbike,  I mean) a good  jumping off point  for a  Thai-Farang  hook-up.  “Hey,  it’s only  a  thousand USD,  I  spent  a  lot more  than  that  on my  ex…” And  so said  farang  jumps  off  and  buys  the bike.  For  you  newbie’s,  check  this out; That is ONLY the start. The next line of the song is “I want a TV” and so  on,  right  thru  the  baby’s  doctor bills, Momma’s mortgage  payment, vet bills for the family water buffalo, on up to building of the house in the village that said farang may not even SEE  until  (and  IF)  it  is  built. Also, be apprised of  the  fact  that you  just might not be  the only contributor  to her “security”. If you did not buy that TV you see in the apartment, someone else did, despite what she will tell you How  do  I  know  all  this? Easy, I  bought  the  bike,  built  the  house, bought the cows, paid all the family bills and so on. Now, I am somewhat lucky,  because,  eight  years  on, my Thai  lady  and  I  are  still married,  if such a state of affairs can be referred to as a lucky one. And I will say this, it  does  have  its moments,  both  rewarding and “not exactly” so.

For  instance,  when  I  met  said young lovely (she was, too; only 19 “looking like the model on the cover of a magazine” to quote Chuck Berry), I was 50 at the time and her first words  to me were  “I  think  you  are too old for me”, a ripe beginning to a lifetime of joy if I ever heard one.

Well,  I  persevered  and  she  capitulated. Lucky me. Or  so  I  thought.  I get invited, after only two trips here (from Hawaii) to see her, to come to the village and meet the family. Hey, “why not?”,  I  thought;  see how  the “real Thais”  live. Well, why not  in-deed. The first  thing  that struck me, upon  arriving  at  the  family  digs, was  that  I  and  she were  to  share  a bed. This  completely  surprised me, it would never be  that way back  in America, and villagers are pretty traditional in their way of thinking.

So, what gives? Well I found out. Though it had never been even talked about amongst us, it was already assumed  by  everyone  present  that I  fully  intended  to  marry  the  girl. “Oh-oh!”, what if I don’t want to do this? To the rescue comes older sister. “Look,  just act  like you are going  to marry her,  if you don’t  later on we will  come up with  a believable excuse and  the family will not lose  face.”    I  found  out  just  how important the issue of “face” is to a typical Thai, as in, it is far preferable to lie than it is to speak the truth, if said  truth will cause anyone within a hand grenade’s  destructive radius of losing face, particularly if the person in question happens to be Thai. If you cannot understand this, join a rather  large  club. But,  if  you  don’t follow  this  line of  thinking, you do so at your peril, when dealing with Thais.

In any event,  for  reasons  that are not  entirely  clear,  I  went  through with  it  (hey,  been  married  before, she is a sweetheart and, if it doesn’t work, you can always  ‘put  it  in  re-verse’). Actually, I can make a case right here for marrying your sweetheart and it is simply this. Thailand is a community property country. If you marry  your  girl,  anything  acquired after said marriage belongs jointly to the two of you. If you do not, it is all hers, period. No, she cannot put  the house in your name, or the car, if it is financed; it is against the law. There have certainly been good times; just as certainly as  there have been bad. For  instance,  she  really  was  surprised that I expected her to give up her  Thai  boyfriend merely  because of  our  impending  nuptials-“Who knew?”—Who  indeed?  In  the Thai translation books they don’t tell you that “I hate Thai men!” when spoken by a Thai female usually translates to “I have a Thai boyfriend” Or maybe more  than  one.  This  little  episode would be one of  the “not exact lies” referred to earlier.

I  know  of  a  fellow  who  paid  a friend of mine  to oversee  construction of the house he was building for his Thai girlfriend, who happened to be  the  sister  of  my  acquaintance’s wife. Well,  the  unfortunate  gentleman  in  question  made  a  crucial mistake.  He  sent  the money  to  his girlfriend  (the  sister)  instead  of  to my  friend  (the  overseer).  Not  only did  sister  skim  around  10-20%  off the  construction  costs,  before  my friend  ever  “oversaw”  anything, but she moved her Thai BF in to the house upon completion! “This is my brother.” was the explanation. Sister and brother-in-law do not speak anymore, as my friend was forced by his integrity  to  reveal  the  real  storyline to  his  employer,  thereby  dooming the  budding  relationship.  BTW, sis kept the house.

There is a book that every foreigner should read if he contemplates a serious relationship with a Thai woman, particularly if he has met said woman in a bar. It is called “Private Dancer” by Steven Leather.  It is fiction, but to too many of the gullible and not-so-gullible, it is all too real. Check it out.