The “Violet or Purple Relationship”

Pattaya is surely one of the most well-known and famous destinations in the world for tourists from all over. Pattaya is a location that can maintain different types of relationships. One of these is known as the “Violet or Purple Relationship” which refers to a Homosexual relationship in Thailand. This is more commonly known as a “Pink” relationship in Western cultures. The most common Purple relationship refers to the man-love-man one. Many fall in Lust or Love and eventually meet their “Dream Guy”. Some maintain long distance romances but others get serious and move-in together and become frequent or permanent residents.

First, you need to realize that you are in a special category of relationship, which means you may have unreasonable expectations to think a man vs. man couple will run as long as straight married couples do. Gay people need to understand the bottom line of some of the differences in Gay relationships by observing and considering what keeps gay couples together. Hopefully this will surely reduce a lot of pressure of high expectations of your relationship. I would guarantee that the likelihood of a break-up could be prevented if you understand the Thai perspective of this type of relationship.

Secondly, you should avoid trying to control your lover, as everyone needs to have his or her own space doing something personally and privately enjoyable. Do not expect that you can control somebody’s life, as it is truly impossible. Imagine what you would think if someone tried to restrict you at everything, you do. Would you like that? If your answer is “No”, you are normal, if your answer is “Yes”, you need to make an appointment with a psychiatrist.

Third, learn how to give rather than take as a part of the relationship. It is understandable that in human nature, people usually are concerned about themselves first before others. In my opinion, in good relationships, you always need to concern yourself about the other. You will get whatever you desire by offering something to others first. For example, you need to take good care of your lover, if you want him to take care of you! Give your lover a kiss every morning or tell him everyday that you love him if you want to be treated the same way, as well as providing as many sweet words you can find if you want to hear sweet words out of his mouth. It is very easy, isn’t it?

Another point I would like to emphasize, is that every couple is strongly advised to avoid using offensive language toward each other. We are Men aren’t we, but using fowl language all the time will get worse and more serious every time you do it and the result can end up with disrespect for the other and possible confrontation or physical abuse. I believe that these violations start unconsciously by using offensive words toward each other. Earning each other’s respect is very important.

Finally, about financial issues. It is true that the Thai culture mixing with Western culture creates its own expectations and unique problems here. In Thailand. it is expected that those with a higher status or financial position (the superior – no, we are not talking about bedroom positions!) is expected to take care of those younger, in a junior position, or with less financial means (the inferior). This is a universal truth in the Thai culture. All couples are advised to avoid automatically to expect that your lover will become your total financial support. Every relationship can be easily broken by financial problems. It is human nature; nobody wants to work hard to take care of another just because you are his lover. One may be comfortable to support his lover sometimes, but not all the time. In the mean time, you might want to support (school or a business) him to get to the time he can support himself and his family obligations. However, the best way is trying not to bother your lover on financial matters as much as you can if you want to remain in a smooth relationship. Remember, “Nobody wants to work real hard just to take care of someone and getting nothing in return”. Many couples end the relationship because of financial problems. In the next issue, I will have other useful suggestions for all foreigners who have Thai boyfriends.

For comments or useful suggestions, please submit them to wootpattayatimes@gmail.com. We will select the most interesting to publish in the next issue.