Relationship Advice for a Thai Lady whose boyfriend is leaving Thailand

Let me start with my background. Briefly, I was born, almost 30 year ago in a poor village in Thailand’s northeastern province; growing up insufficiently in all aspects. I have done and tried to do everything to get away from poverty and found no solutions. I finally, at the age of 20, after hearing many older people mentioning something that sounded like “Patpong” and something like “Pattaya”, decided to run away from my village with some money and headed to Bangkok. Then, I took another bus to a destination where I’ve never been before in order to look for my village friend who gave me her address during her trip home. I fortunately found my friend and she found me a job as a waitress in what I called a restaurant, at the time, but was really a beer bar, located on Jomtien Beach Road where staff members didn’t seem to be dressed as restaurant workers.

It was there I first met my current American boyfriend after having worked there just a month and half. We have been living together for almost 10 years now and have no kids. The relationship is typical with happy times and, sometimes, problems. Late last year, he was diagnosed with heart problems and had surgery. He claimed that he had to go back to the USA for six months. He had regularly spent most of the year living here in Pattaya’s Jomtien Beach in a small house that he once said would be a shelter for me to spend the rest of my life, in case something might happen to him in future.

He also provided a small car about five or six years ago for me to use in case I needed it. Surprisingly, believe it or not, although my five-year-old driver’s license will expire next year, not one police officer in Pattaya or Jomtien has seen, suspended or done anything with it at all. Do you know why? Not because my boyfriend is a big power guy with a huge pile of money, but because I have never used the license as my boyfriend never even once happily allowed me to drive at all. Every time I asked him for a drive, we had serious arguments and fights, which I assumed resulted from his worrying about my safety as he was so madly in love with me. About two months ago, he stopped giving me an allowance claiming I made a very serious mistake by going to a party with friends after work around 4am. When I got home at around eight or nine in the morning, he assumed I was drunk, as I was very tired and fell asleep in drunk-like stupor as I had just completed an almost 18 hour work day.

A month ago, he informed me, without emotion that he soon planned to go back and stay in the USA for six months. He asked me to find myself a room to rent; instead of allowing, me to stay in this house which he used to say was going to be my place when I got old. He was the one who prepared stuff like this for me as he is a man. One day, after I got home from work, I found “For Sale” signs placed on the fence. I stayed clammed up with no comment on what he did. However, one afternoon we had a little talk on the front porch, under a comfortable afternoon breeze, about his plans and what he intended to do. He surprised me again, during the half hour conversation, by not even a mentioning his plan regarding any accommodations for me. Unlike his actions, every plan of mine has been for him and around him.

I really do not know what he thinks and what am I supposed to do. I am afraid of everything. I have to hold onto the only security I have, which is work. Sometimes I wanted to refuse a heavy load of work from my leader but I was afraid of losing my job since my boyfriend stopped giving me an allowance some months ago. Sometimes, I want to be strong enough to refuse doing overtime, which sometimes lasts until 2, 3 or even 4 am, but my situation is not negotiable. I have to say OK to my leader, as I have no choice. The only thing I really pray for now is that God give me patience and lead me out of my current difficulties in both the body and mind. Could you suggest to me whatever you think is needed. What am I supposed to do? What does he really think about me? And, please do not ask me if I love him or not, because my whole story should be enough to explain the only reason I am still living with him.

“Unlucky Angel”

Poor Angel,

First of all, I have to ask you to be patient on the freaky things happening to you now as they seem complicated and hard for me to explain or understand. The details you have just given to me seem like in an overall point of view. To consider exactly what’s happening to you right now, we need to have not only an overall view like you wrote to me but this matter needs to be considered carefully through every single detail and explanation on what other mistakes you have made that resulted in him to treating you like this. I believe there should be some more details, which are hard to explain through writing. However, the only instruction I would give you now is to love yourself and consider everything logically, fairly and positively as these ways of thinking will surely not ruin or degrade you. Keep thinking and considering things positively in all aspects to, at least, cheer you up. Most people usually consider things selfishly when they have problems. Please do not try to just consider yourself in passive form, but do consider yourself in active forms, as this will help you to easily identify your mistakes. Then, you will also easily find the ways to solve your problems and improve your situation. But, when things turn out to be uncontrollable, you need to let them go and let nature manage and balance everything according to its major responsibility. What you need to do right quick is to inspect yourself, both body and mind, to have them in pleasant balance. Other than this, let it go. OK?

However, my suggestion is not only for ‘Unlucky Angel’ to think positively, but also for all of Chanchira’s Daughter fans.

I love children, and, world peace.

See you,

Mwhaaaa